While I was spending my glorious evening on the toilet seat at my Khao Yai hotel room, I learnt that half of the office people I meet almost every day will not be there to greet me and ask for souvenirs when I come back from Thailand.

I was saddened. So saddened that I didn't know whether I should cry and be emotional for this whole unexpected news or the fact that I was drained and dying of diarrhea, day 2.

I looked down. Hated the sight of watery poop and the thought of what was going on, I flushed away everything just to give my body, mind, and soul some peace. Even though my paste-making session has not ended.

So I continued sitting there thinking and decided on two things. First, since I am sad and frustrated and upset and whatever, I won't be buying anything for anyone. Second, I've decided to stop wasting my time on the toilet bowl and go to bed.

Though it didn't affect my vacation in anyway because the diarrhea was just too overwhelming, this whole event was on my mind the whole time. I kept asking myself questions that I cannot answer and kept thinking of how things would be so different in the office without them.

Of course, I cannot imagine how I would react if I were to witness everything in the office. Part of me was glad to be away from all the chaos but another part of me ache to think that I hadn't the chance to say goodbye to all of them.

Fast forward to today, it's been a week since I've been back to work and the office was quiet only for the sound of the air purifier doing its job of making the place smell of fresh mint. There were no laughter, no funny jokes, no bad jokes, no constant snacking time, no nothing. At one point I thought I could hear myself breathing.

Of course I am not so silly to only mind the absence of the noisiness of the past. It means so many things to me. But it's only a week, so maybe we all haven't got used to it. 

Haven't got used to the feeling of not needing to ask people to move their chairs because you can't pass. Not used to not laughing until my stomach hurts. Not used to not having a big group for lunch. Not used to have no one to remind me of the things I missed out. Not used to not having the usual banter of sarcasms with everyone.

But then, change permeates our lives and work so the only way I can console myself is to hope that things will get better and that change, no matter big or small, is all part of the journey. It wasn't a "change" that I was particularly happy about but of course it's one that I have to adapt to and learn from it.

So to the new team of 10, let's hope we can create more rainbows and magic clouds in 2017. I thought a lot about it. I don't have any reasons to leave yet have no specific reasons as to why I stayed. Maybe there is something that I have yet to do and I haven't achieved yet, I really don't know. All I know is that one day, when I feel that everything is not worth my time and effort anymore, I will do what has to be done.